Over 20 rejection letters from the Court for my applications to be an associate, the lower court has not started interviewing (or so I hear) but I have made peace with the fact I am unlikely to hear anything. The last few weeks have been a real journey of personal development in a number of ways.
I was diagnosed by two different psychiatrists with a personality trait that flys very, very closely to autism in my teens. I obsess and until my early 20's was socially inept. I obsess, and I absorb lots of information about a topic. It feels not like a want to know but a need. I guess the best example is when I was I child being told I can't have any water (we would be out and about) I may not have been thirsty but I the needed water, it became an all consuming desire, all my head space became fixated on it and I would not give up until I had water. Now this alone just sounds like a spoilt child, I get that but it would extend to various things, odd things, the need to know everything about praying mantises, every line to Aladdin, the Lion King, a weird ass peg doll and imaginary friend when I was 13, getting in to law school, the list goes on. Unfortunately no subject at uni has sparked this fanatical desire to know everything about a topic, that's cool. Whatever...
Getting a job as an associate did. For the first time what I want was totally outside of my control, there was nothing more I could do then submit my applications, I could not follow up and persuade them as I would after a poor sales presentation, I could not make them call me for an interview. My hands are totally tied, this is the first situation where I can not influence the result. It fucking sucks, I spent weeks looking at my phone like it was a traitor for not ringing. I have gone to depths of sadness over it that I have never been before. I know, deep down that my future plans are not compromised over this. However my focus has again shifted to an idea for a business, I need to talk to someone in the law society about how I can make it work and what needs to be put in place, if anything. While this may be a total waste of time it serves as a diversion from the associate issue. I need to feel in control again.
It was not until I read 'how to win friends and influence people' that I had a skill set to draw upon. Sounds sad but then I became obsessed with sales and people skills became second nature. After a very short time I became very, very good at sales and I loved it. I have jumped out of a plane and closing a million dollar mortgage refinance over a number of properties was the same rush. So too is mooting and doing court work.
The Vis moot has thrown so many issues about team work and interpersonal relationships. I remember a saying from sales years ago that is relevant 'don't wrestle with pigs, all you get is dirty and they love it', but with this person I want a fight, I will not subjugate my desires for theirs. Not this time, not when I am taking out a personal loan to compete, not when their wants also deprive others beside me from an experience. I need this whole thing to be over and be able to move on.
So begins my last year of law school, then the deafening silence from firms about employing me. I am resilient. I am not wired to be happy working for someone else anyway.
- and time marches forward - Obiter
Landlord’s Checklist – Essential Considerations Before Requesting End of
Tenancy Cleaning
-
A vital part of looking after rental properties, end of tenancy cleaning
ensures also they are kept neat and tidy for the new tenants. However,
before ki...
11 months ago
Hmm, I'm similar. Get obsessions into completely random topics, study it full-on for a month or two, then burn out and move on. Didn't think it had any link to autism, though....
ReplyDeleteSucks about your rejections. I do hope your employment or entrepreneurial aspirations eventually bear fruit, you certainly have a persistence to succeed that I envy.
Hi there, may I guess that the psychologists diagnosed you with Asperger's Syndrome? Anyway, I wish you all the best with your application. It is nice reading your blog posts.
ReplyDelete