Thursday, February 25, 2010

My first Preppy Douche Bag

Waiting to enter class I caught this conversation.

PDB: “yeah well most will drop out and have to work at McDonalds”
Friend of PDB: “Yeah”
PDB: (in condescending tone) “and the other half came from Other Degree so they wont last”

I spent all last year in Other Degree, I quite like Other Degree. In Other Degree people are nice, people made an effort to be nice to others. You Sir. Are a Douche Bag. PDB and I are ‘assisting the court’ in some weeks together – I will make you cry…

Yes, Yes you will be assisting the court….

In the class with PDB we had ‘call over’s’ this is where you approach the moot courts’ bench and state “Good morning you Honour, my name is Obiter Ovum and I will be representing Silly Moron the defendant in this matter” as I can be a little obsessive compulsive for my call over I had the week, case, name and speech all on an index card. As a part of the tutes we have also got to prepare back up for three weeks after the defence and prosecution talk other people then stand up and say ‘Good morning your Honour my name is Ima Compulsive Tabber and I will we working to assist the court in this matter.

I thought I had mine all worked out. As the ‘judge’ (actually the unit co-ordinator so this roll play is her pet, as such deviation form this protocol as happened in other tutes was not likely) looked at me while repeating “any body else for that week” I thought as I was so organised it was some other disorganised sucker that forgot their week. Not so much. As I finally clicked on to what was going on it was too late, I had been labelled the slow one. The ‘judge’ made some remark to the effect of ‘yes, yes you most certainly will be assisting the court” that made everyone burst out in laughter – PDB will never suspect the slow one...

I saw this one a friends Facebook and loved it.

- Obiter

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It's rainng coffee?

Coffee + flimsy note top holder + me = DANGER!
As the two chicks in front of me who got sprayed with a jumbo skinny flat white discovered.  My friend the Cackling Magpie then squawked “great way to meet new people Obiter, spill coffee on them and then offer to lick it up – brilliant!
Safe to say they will be giving me a wide space next lecture.  
Today I spent 6 hours trying to wrap my head around the IRAC method on a contracts problem.  I have never been so nervous that I will get into class say my answer will be so poor I get laughed out of the room.  This is freaking intense, in the other degree  with the time and effort I spent today I could have written and polished a 15,000 litterateur review.  All I managed to do in that time was confuse myself and cause some brain cells to explode from frustration.
This was some gold form Tute/Lecture yesterday.
**Girl enters late and sits down**
Prof Dusty:  “Umm hi, you are either ten minutes early or very, very late?”
Random Girl: “Is this not mathematic goobldy goop”
Prof Dusty: “your in the wrong class, these people can't count their fingers”
** as we are doing the ‘introductions’ in the tute **
Private school snob: “I decided to come to this Uni after a year of an arts degree”
Prof Dusty: “So you decided to do a real degree, good choice”
** While going though the introductory guide**
Prof Dusty: I can honestly tell you I was the first person to write this 30 years ago, back then it was a page and a half… Blah blah blah… I asked why we have to put this trash in here…what crap…read it if you get really board and fell the need to read what happens when academic lawyers get board.”

no more coffee in lectures - Obiter

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Damp Hungy & Pissy

Yesterday we were informed that a lecture was to be held today.  Apparently this little piece of news was posted on some obscure little corner of cyber space.  Last night I spent an hour looking for that corner to no avail.  I was pretty sure the mousy woman down the front said the lecture was to be at 1-3.  Being the super excited 1L all to eager to do good I planned on being early. Early is good.
Yesterday I packed an extra shirt in the likely event that I made a grub of myself and needed to change.  I managed to get though the day and not need the shirt.
As I arrived in Carton City it started to pour down, not some pissy drizzly or light raining.  Flash flooding type pouring.  On the way to Carton University I learnt first hand that thongs (the ones you wear on your feet) will get sucked off your foot and leave running down the main road chasing the other thong in some strange hobble/limp.   I was going to need that other shirt.
After milling around the lecture theatre for 10 minutes before and not seeing another sole I figured I was either way too early or at the wrong room.  I went to the Law library (who was running this lecture) to discover that I was 3 hours early – just wonderful.  I had 3 hours to kill with no money and a stomach growling loudly enough get awkward looks from the people around me.  So I spent the time drafting hate mail to the library.
After the two hour lecture on something about legal something (I was too busy thinking about food to pay attention) I was taking to a friend about my plight who informed me that ‘O’ week was full of free food stalls at the front of the campus.  I spent hours commiserating with staving children (yeah I just made that comparison don’t like it leave a comment, you would be the first).  Only to discover that if I had left the library free food was every where.
I spent the day in self deprecating in hunger and dampness – oh this semester is shaping up just brilliantly.
Now dry and less pissy – Obiter

Monday, February 15, 2010

Welcome to Lawschool

I wish I had some interesting post on why orientation was better then picking my nose, but that would be a lie.  I did however badly need to pee, boredom led me to drink copious amounts of water within the first 20 minutes.  It was a long lecture.  Also on either side of me on the combined seating rack were compulsive leg shakers.  Needing to pee on any given day is bad.  Leg shakers are also annoying in any situation.  The combination results in a vibrating bladder that wants to PEE.     
Oh yeah that was fun.
The associate dean of school gave us five archetypes and asked up to identify with one.  This is was I got from the archetypes.
The Phantom: Uses mostly internet media to study.
(I don’t want to got to or I slept though the lectures)
The Friend:  Finds the best study is done in groups.
(travels in cliques, will bitch you down if your opinion does not match theirs)
The Party Animal: At university for the social aspect.
(Can I.. uhh.. Borrow your notes?)
The lecturers Friend: Like to make sure the lecture knows them.
(Does not know grading is blind and that no matter how much you kiss ass it will only boost the ego of the professor not your grades)
The Conscientious: Insures that they are always on top of their studies
(no you cannot ‘borrow’ my notes)
That’s about it. – Obiter

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I like to read....

I get the feeling Lawschool might change that.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Motor Skills I Denounce You!

I am clumsy, the sort of clumsy where I get given the ‘special glass’ that is really made of plastic when I visit friends.

When I become an apprentice chef my mothers’ words were “Obiter, kitchens are full of hot, sharp and dangerous implements. Are you sure you want to do that?”. Growing up I broke countless plates, glasses actually anything capable of being broken was in danger of being broken if it was sucked in to my vacuum of clumsy. For years the parents tried yelling, talking, pleading and asking me to be more careful before accepting that there is no hope of it getting any better.

When I moved into to Mr. Ovum’s house he had all lovely sets of plates and glasses… I have since changed that. His hopeful exuberance that he can change my ability to smash, crush, break generally destroy breakables is yet to be

All summed up often I become a walking hazard. The salad section at work was doing my mind in out of boredom so I moved over to the oven side (where all the cooking action is at).

Hot ovens burn body parts on contact. Oven trays leave cut like burns. My arms now look like those of an emo cuter – just wonderful.